Stressed....

It’s been an exhausting week, and with the weekend here again I can’t believe that it’s gone by so quickly. Things have been moving at such a breakneck pace lately that I really feel I need to slow down and get my bearings.

True to form, I am feeling incredibly tired, and the signs of stress have been manifesting physically. I also feel like I have so much unexpended energy and this is taking its toll on my body in the form of free radicals (I swear I can feel it – “kip shing” in Hokkien), heart palpitations, and the inability to sleep continously. I need quiet meditation time so that I can focus. It’s a serious case of brain clutter…and the fact that I haven’t been sleeping well lately means that it’s been more difficult for me to deal with the accompanying stress.

Ohmmm….

Fortunately, my mum is coming over from the 12^th to the 24^th, and will provide a bit of breathing room for me, as well as some much anticipated company. I can’t wait for her to arrive. So much is going on now, and I am incredibly excited.

Also, I haven’t been able to put as much time as I want to training for this triathlon thingie. It’s partly due to my bum left foot, which has been giving me grief for the past three weeks. Although I haven’t seen a proper podiatrist to take a look at it, I did get it shiatsu-ed, which helped relieve the pain, but it seems to recur at unexpected moments, so I really haven’t been able to run lately. I need to get this sorted as soon as possible, as it will be highly embarrassing not to make the average time.

One other thing that I quite like right now is the fact that the house is so peaceful. It’s nice and bright and airy and serene – I love this house. I’ve tried looking at a couple of other developments just to be on the safe side, but they all seem to be high-density, and urban jungle-y, and this gives me more “kip shing”, reinforcing my liking for where I currently stay. However, I do think that I would like someplace with a lot more green, and nature, perhaps with access to a reservoir/sea nearby with not a lot of people. A retreat, if you will where I can let go of stress.

Raku

Just got back from "inner circle" drinks with S, K, and friends. This has been a monthly ritual since March, and they're a riot.

Heavy weekend, with a full day tom and church and pottery on Sunday. Raku firing comes by mid-August, so need to make more pieces in time for this. Apparently, raku is more suited to more sculptural pieces, lending it a very modern, industrial feel. The combination of extreme heat and a rapid temperature drop after the sawdust bath leads to some very interesting reactions in the glaze, giving it a metallic finish more suited to darker glazes.

Glazing class in 2 weeks, which I'm looking forward to.

I can't believe how many things I've got on at the moment - I've been pretty flat out at work for the past two weeks, on top of all the other personal projects in the air - am quite proud of the fact that its all juggling pretty well

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Last weekend I saw 'Dollhouse', directed by Lee Breuer for Mabou Mines. I couldn't decide at first whether I liked it or not, and after some further contemplation, I decided I did. Completely exxagerated and over the top (very 'avant-garde') with 6-ft tall women paired with midget men. Quite an overwhelming production, leaving one with the same type of disbelief/stupor as per Moulin Rouge (those of you whove seen it with me when it first came out can attest to this feeling). It is an assault to the senses, much like the Vagina Monologues were - scandalizing you with both the theme (a woman being depersonalized within a domestic setting) and the staging (frontal female nudity, a dwarf's butt, a dead woman on stilts, Santa Claus on ecstasy). I'd highly recommend it.

The Trap of the Mundane

It's almost 5 AM, and the only sounds are the ones the cars make as they intermittently streak past outside. Once the hum gets too loud I know that the day has arrived.

One of the more incongruous things about living in Singapore is that even the time is fake (normatively compared to how we would normally expect it to be) - we're really an hour ahead of our true timezone (to be parity to the HK/China markets). So light comes an hour or two behind what I would normally expect in Manila.

Life here is incredibly consumerist, which can be sad. You are defined by what you can afford, what your job is, and what you do in your spare time. Consumption is a means of defining your identity, and for some, the only means of defining their identity. There is not much critical thought, as can be seen by reviewing what the media has to offer. Life is segmented into discrete blocks of time lasting 30 minutes to an hour, unlike in Manila where time is fluid. Hence for a time I needed to compartmentalize my day into these discrete blocks - "now, i will spend 1 hour watching TV", "now, I will spend 30 minutes preparing my dinner", "now, i will spend 2 hours doing my ironing" - unlike in Manila where time would flow past in a continuous stream of activities that led naturally from one to another without much planning or thought. Yet things would still get done.

I also increasingly find myself caught up in the "trap of the mundane" while also steadily appropriating the values that I have always associated as defining my parents (and had you suggested this to me three years ago I would have taken the piss at you). These I will list down:

• My brain is now wired to think in action-oriented bullet points. Unbeknownst to me, as I toiled away in corporate sweatshops, I have gradually lost my ability to think in lyrical, inspired paragraphs, and struggle to write. I am uncomfortable unless what I have written is adequately "laddered", e.g. allowing time-poor people to scan through my headings and read further if they need to, offering visual breaks and shortcuts so they can select the 'çontent' they wish to read further on as they browse. What comes naturally to mind now as I write reminds me of a Bloomberg newsblip - not much soul, just boring soundbites. I remember that I used to read business publications and think how uneducated and bland these writers must be - just from reading through their writing, and lo and behold: after three years as a 'corporate' - I've turned into them. (*minor scream*)
• I find myself being sucked in and defined by the consumer culture that my job requires me to perpetuate. This has pervaded the way I relate with people, spend time, and think. For instance, when I log on to wikipedia, I'll think to myself: "Yeah! I'm a part of the dot.com generation of under-35's, and feel gratified that I'm 'plugged in' to the information superhighway". Trite. Or I find myself shopping for white linen trousers and think to myself, "Yes, now I am a member of the WASPy, yacht-sailing, oxford loafer wearing set", even though I am Asian, Catholic, would never in my life wear oxford loafers, and get horribly seasick. So much of what I do, and what most people do here is image-driven, which leads me to constantly second-guess myself - how much of what I do is based on an intrinsic, genuine desire, versus one that is artificially constructed by marketing, PR, and the advertising industries? Brands are everywhere. They increasingly define my identity - from the authors I read, the websites I visit, the gym I frequent, even the country I live in. Can they be escaped? And if they can't be, it seems as though if you are not careful they truly can be insidious in supplanting what is likely your real personality. The only way out it seems for escaping this spiral of being taken over (zombiefied if you will) by the brand culture is to either (i) take an early and active role defining it, or (ii) live as a hermit, or worse, a terribly uncool person/geek. So it seems that unless I want to live without modern conveniences, the only way to retain one's identity is to be part of the elusive early adopters/"trend setters" who are ahead of the pack, but still in this case, the incremental Identity is still marginal, by virtue of defining what others are doing, yet still being co-opted within the segment of "early adopters" while constantly being required to go after the next best thing or losing one's identity. Can it ever be escaped? Not even contrarians - people who I would define as wanting to deliberately go against what everyone else is doing in order to stand out, are free - they are a segment in themselves too. It can't be escaped. Hence, the third way I believe to escape being co-opted is to (iii) immerse oneself in religion (believe it or not). Religion (at least Catholicism) has constantly been criticized as backward, archaic, left behind, uncool, as not understanding or truly leveraging the age of information. How refreshingly so! And precisely because everyone thinks it is uncool, supplanted by relativistic bricolagic ethics, lies its appeal. And I think I want it to stay that way - bland, unairconditioned and dusty. Alas as I write this it seems as though that in itself is imagery too - branding if you will. It can't be escaped as people will naturally associate images and stories with concrete objects, places, people, intangible concepts, and the list goes on. The assignation of value is arbitrary, with needs driven primarily by emotions, rather than function. Marketers truly study and play on the emotions of people to get them to buy products. I used to work for skincare and played on women's insecurities and fears about aging. I now work for a milk and cheese company and prey on the need for mums to feel that they're doing right by their families and giving the best for their children. And we carefully construct the images to ensure that our products are seen to be providing the benefit of alleviating these fears, satisfying these hopes, and fulfilling what they think they want. If only we can be truly critical of what we think, and to do it in a genuine way can we be free from the consumerist trap - the trap of the mundane.

I now have to go off to the gym to train for triathlon (hopefully the ankle I've sprained last week is better), and go to yoga class...

May-June '07 Update

Updates:

• Singapore housing prices have gone up drastically in line with the government's plans to increase the population by 50% within the next two years. There has been a massive rush of en-bloc sales, with properties frantically changing hands as people rush to be part of the bubble. Rents are still below the pre-SARS rate though, so people expect it to continue to climb. Housing sales have increased with a double-digit rise in the number of expats purchasing property vs YA.
  
• Been reading voraciously. Mostly non-fiction. Last fiction book read was Oscar and Lucinda, exactly 22 months after I found it on the Tube in 2005. Since it's a 'book crossing' book, I am obligated to 'release it back into the wild', but I think I'll keep it a while longer.
  
• Still very happy with work. Immensely thrilled, in fact, and quite pleased that it always seems to be getting better.
• Have re-stocked up on a year's supply of SK-II stuff and have taken full advantage of the 30% discount from the staff sale. Item-of-the-moment: Skin Rebooster - works like Repair C but better value-for-money. Doubles as an eye cream and wipe-off mask, and is pretty concentrated. SK-II is the skincare for smart people.
• Ran the Anlene Orchard Mile 10th June.
  
• Training for the corporate triathlon in November. Have been more regular with yoga. Have taken to waking up at the crack of dawn (0530) to get to the first class at gym. I am back to my highschool weight and am glad I never threw out those old pairs of jeans. I no longer fit into my tailored "work" clothes, and need to hold up my pants with a belt. The only things that fit now are my old stuff (circa 1997-1998), and the ones made of stretchy fabrics.
  
• Have made 5 bowls and a teacup in pottery class. Glazing and final firing in 3 weeks. My plans for the tagine are taking a bit longer than expected (Plate shapes are more unstable and wobbly to work with). I have found out belatedly that pottery requires immense patience, which I have little of. During my last lesson I got really pissed off while 'trimming a foot' on my teacup, which I hadn't 'secured' to the wheel properly. I had meant it to be a mug, but clay shrinks 30-40% as it dries, hence it's now repositioned as a teacup, albeit one with a "distressed" motif on the outside.
  
• Saw 'Phantom' with Marlon. Well played.
  
• Piece of the moment: still Fantaisie Impromptu (Chopin).
• Highlights of last trip to Ilocos in May was going to Vigan, Laoag, seeing the Marcos shrine, and the ostriches in Fort Ilocandia. Lots of old churches and museums. It's sad how there is more art from Filipino Masters in Madrid than in the Philippines. The way the museums (full of tarp-printed repros) in the Philippines sour grape about it is by saying that they wouldn't be able to afford the right maintenance or security. Pagudpud was a downer (Boracay is still better). Weirdest part of the trip was finding out that Chavit Singson has his own zoo (in his house), where he keeps endangered species (like chimps and tigers), hence contributing to the conservation problem. Downers: aunt died.
• N visiting for hols en-route to AU to see sister who's just given birth. Realized recently that I never got around to retrieving my old book cabinet, laptop and rice dispenser from The Albany, but everyone I know from there has moved.
  
• Lost another phone. Crap, crap, crap. Fortunately I've got my work mobile, but still need to pick up my simcard for my spare.
  
• L visiting and house-hunting as her brother's moving here to work after graduating from Wharton. Seems keen in moving into my block.
  

Because I Said So

Going back to Vietnam, leaving this Sunday and coming back Monday night. Haay...

Saw "Because I Said So" this evening, featuring Diane Keaton and Mandy Moore with C and J.
Not your usual chick flick, and surprisingly enjoyable. Diane Keaton seems be playing a lot of 'old woman gets a new lease on life' -type roles lately, and she does them pretty well. Couldn't help noticing Mandy looked a bit plump, but she's a pretty decent actress. Lots of good laughs. Very entertaining.

Good, Tested Paella Recipe

Made paella for the first time yesterday - had a few work colleagues over, as it isn't fun to experiment with a new dish, and not have anyone eat it. Paella's a bit of a commitment as well, sa there are so many ingredients involved! Anyway, result was good, and of restaurant standard if I say so myself.

Got the recipe off the internet, but modified it, as I was cooking for 8!

Ingredients:

• chicken stock --> any stock concentrate will do. In my case I used Maggi Concentrate Stock (chicken) sans MSG.
• shrimp stock --> I used Maggi shrimp stock granules
• saffron/paella seasoning
• salt
• black pepper
• extra virgin olive oil
• 2 large chorizo sausages, cut diagonally, 1/4" thick
• 1 pack chicken drumlets (the leg-looking part of the chicken wing) --> keeping some chicken meet with bones make the paella very flavourful.
• 1 pack chicken leg fillets --> remove skin for better health
• 1 pack mussels, scrubbed and opened
• 12 shrimps
• 1 large onion, chopped finely
• 4 large garlic cloves, minced
• 4 ripe tomatoes, finely chopped
• 4 cups medium grain rice --> assume half a cup of rice for every person eating.
• 1 lemon, cut in lengthwise wedges to garnish

Cooking Instructions:

Note that prep takes about 10 minutes, actual cooking time between 2-2.5 hours.

1. You need to make up about 5 cups of stock. If you are using run-of-the-mill thai jasmine rice like I did, a good ratio to cook the rice is about 1 cup of water for every cup of rice. Since paella is cooked using an open pan (instead of an enclosed one, like in a rice cooker), you'll need additional water to cook the rice, as a lot of the water evaporates away. So I think a 5 cup stock to 4 cups rice ratio works well. So to make the stock, boil some water first, and add in the chicken and shrimp stock mix to taste - make sure its flavourful enough - what you would expect a nice clear soup to taste like, without being to salty.
2. In a separate flat frying pan over a low medium flame, shake in about 1 1/2 teaspoons of saffron powder/paella mix. Toast it, until it begins to aromatize. Transfer the toasted saffron/paella seasoning into the stock pot, and mix well. Taste stock again to make sure it isn't too salty.
3. Begin to cook the meats, using a nice low medium flame all throughout in order to cook the meat evenly, avoid burning it, or charring the oil. Olive oil especially cooks best in a low flame, as the internal aroma of the oil is preserved without burning it away - which makes you lose all that flavour! I find that a nice low medium flame also helps to "sweat out" the meat, meaning the juices flow out nicely and aromatically without "shocking" it with a high flame. That said, it also helps to bring out the flavour. Its best to have a large non-stick wok-type pan with high sides and a flat bottom - there's really no need to invest in a special paella pan if you've got another one that will serve the purpose equally well.
4. So, begin with the chorizo - fry it in about 1 tbsp of olive oil to coat the non-stick pan. Make sure its nicely browned on each side. (About 3 minutes per side). Transfer the chorizo out into a plate. Then using the same pan (add more oil as necessary), lightly saute the chicken drumlets until they are nicely golden on each side. Note that 1 or 2 minutes after you first put the chicken in the pan, add in a bit of salt and pepper and saute. Take the drumlets out and put it into a plate (use the same plate as the chorizo plate, if you want). Then begin to cook the chicken leg fillets, and season accordingly with salt and pepper as necessary, again until it is nicely tanned on the outside. Reason why you don't want to cook the drumlets and the fillets together is that one type of meat has bones, and the other doesn't, hence leading to different cooking times for each type. (The bony meats are bloodier too). Once the fillets are done, transfer out onto the meat plate. Then add in the shrimp to the pan, cook on each side for 2 minutes (or until orange, not red yet), then take out and transfer to the plate. The idea is that you don't want to overcook the meats as they will still be cooked further when you add them to the rice later. What you want is to get a nice golden glaze on the outside, so it doesn't fall apart when you cook it with the rice later. It's best to do this by feel - for the chicken especially, it helps to cook it first over a low medium flame to get even cooking all the way inside the meat, but to get that nice golden glaze, its a good idea to turn up the heat at the last minute and saute it until you get the desired color on the outside.
5. Now that now the oil in the pan is very flavourful, it's time to make the "sofrito", or the base for cooking the rice. Over a low flame, toss in the garlic and saute until the smell come out (and doesn't smell too raw-garlicky). Then toss in the chopped onions and saute with the garlic until the onions are soft and clear. Then add in your tomatoes and a little salt and continue to saute until the mixture becomes dark and thick, which takes about 10-15 minutes.
6. Add the rice to the sofrito, a little bit at a time, making sure it is incorporated well into the mixture. Saute the mixture until the rice turns opaque (about 5-7 minutes).
7. Increase the flame, and add about 4 cups of broth (reserve the other cup for adjusting the rice cooking later) until it comes to a boil. Then lower the flame and simmer this mixture for about 15-18 minutes. About 5 minutes into the simmer, mix in the chicken drumlets, chicken fillets, and chorizo, and ensure its well incorporated into the rice. If the rice is beginning to stick out above the broth, then add in some more broth. At this point, don't stir the rice.
8. Cover the pan with foil/lid, and cook for 2 minutes to ensure the top layer is fully cooked. Covering the pan prevents the liquid from evaporating away, and allows you to cook the top later with the steam.
9. Let the paella rest off the heat, covered for about 5 minutes. Then cook 2 minutes on high to achieve a nice, "tostado", caramelized bottom, i.e. "tutung". Be alert to make sure you're not actually burning the thing!
10. Take paella off the heat, bring pan to the table to show it off, and serve with the lemon wedges.

Back from HCM Hols

Ho Chi Minh reminds me of Baguio - it's like Manila back in the 80's. The streets are overrun by more motorcycles than cars, and the best tip to cross the road is just to cross - don't bother looking left or right as you're more likely to get hit that way. If you look straight ahead and walk, the motorcycles just swerve around you.

It's very provincial but quite inspiring too as it's steeped in history and the people are very patriotic (they call what we know as the "Vietnam War", the "American War" - rightly said). Took off during the weekend to "Backpack". By that I mean I stayed in a good hotel, but went to a cheap tour agency, the "Sinh Cafe", which I highly recommend. Our tour guide, Duc, was very knowledgeable - so if you're ever in Vietnam, book your tour with the Sinh Cafe, and make sure you get Duc! Took a day trip around Ho Chi Minh city Saturday, and a trip to Cu Chi Sunday morning.

The morning of the city tour wasn't that great - they took us to see 2 pagodas (built in 1727 and 1768 - I liked the 1768 one better), Bin Tang Market (like Tutuban or DV Mall in Manila) for wholesale goods, a lacquerware factory, the Post Office and Notre Dame Church (materials imported from Marseilles, constructed in the 1800's, I think).

The afternoon was pretty gritty, to say the least. They took us first to the War Remnants Museum, which was all about the American War. The entrance of the museum compound was littered with "souveniers" from the war - tanks, a helicopter, war jets, etc. But the most compelling exhibit for me was the one documenting the immense amount of human rights abuses suffered by the Vietnamese at the hands of the Americans. These included photos of the victims of Agent Orange, children of US and Vietnamese soldiers who suffered from congenital defects, physical deformities, or cancerous skin. Grisly photos showing US brutality, violations of the rules of war, executions of women & children, etc.

The rest of the afternoon was spent at the Reunification Palace, which was the Presidential Palace of the puppet government of South Vietnam before reunification (and communism). They took us through the whole building equipped with technology from the 70's - analog phones, huge radio transceivers, etc. I was thinking throughout the tour what leaps and bounds office and communication technology has made since then. Quite an interesting bit of that journey was when they brought us to the underground bunker/bomb shelter for the president and top officers to hide in the case of war/bombing.

Sunday morning, we set out at 8:00 AM for the Cu Chi Tunnels, which is that area just outside of Ho Chi Minh where the Viet Cong built over 200km of underground tunnels (think prairie dog) to aid the resistance movement. Very very worth it - we actually crawled 30 meters inside those dark, dank tunnels (40cm wide, and high enough to crouch through) and you could just imagine what the conditions were like during the war. We were also shown some bomb craters, traps used by the Vietnamese guerillas, and how the tunnels were constructed, and used to aid the war. Quite an interesting architectural feat, which I would highly recommend to anyone who wants to go to Vietnam.

Ho Chi Minh at night reminds me of Malate in Manila, or the Insadong district in Korea. It has some quite interesting night spots, where you can eat, drink and be merry at very reasonable prices. The streets on the centre of town (landmark is Sheraton Hotel) are lined with trees that are lit at night with tiny golden Christmas lights and looking very pretty. Every corner is filled with interesting shops selling paintings, lacquerware, jewelry, silk items, etc. There are non-seedy spa-type massage places, and a few good restaurants. The restaurant I ate in Thursday evening served Western food (prepared Vietnamese style). There was a classical quartet playing in the background, but the food was very much like what you would find in Celebrity Sports/your typical 80's sports club - think club sandwich that's canteenish, not deli-ish. Think duckpin bowling in Baguio. But I liked the retro-ness of it all - very good vibes. I would definitely go back.